[EF#6] There’s another person in me


Wheeeww… I think English Friday’s theme for this week is quite challenging and scary for me. I wish after you all read this post, you’re not think me as psycho or something *grin. As i quoted from Wikipedia, an Alter ego is a second self, which is believed to be distinct from a person’s normal or original personality. But to make it simple, I assume that an alter ego is like a person who have multiple personality. Did i have an alter ego ?. I don’t know if what I was going through included in the an alter ego category. But let me share the story.

I’m not a person which like i was before. I still remember i used to be cheerful kid who hyperactive and talk-active. My parents always angry and begged me to stay calm and graceful like a girl normally. I always been the first who take the initiative to make friends. I’ve had many friends. I was a brave, blunt and loudly girl. Some people told me that i am tomboy, but i think it’s not like that. I love to sew, knit, cross-stitch and play doll. How could they thought me as a tomboy. That’s me until i step Junior High School.

The old of me suddenly disappear when I was in the Senior High School. I think it the worst moment in my life. I met bunch of people who really hate me, I didn’t know why they hate my personality so much. I swore their personality more bad than me. They like to teased and pressured me. They didn’t bad things like a physical abuse but what they have said and how they treat me, make me traumatized. But in the front of people I pretend to be strong, I don’t want to depend to anyone. But because of it, I can’t express myself. My cheerful side was gone. I turn to be a socially awkward person. I didn’t have confidence and always think everything that i did would make everyone hates me. Since I didn’t want to acted like to please everyone, I’d rather withdraw from society than being two faced.It’s really hard for me to make a friend with new people. I just can’t trust anyone beside my close friends whom always stick with me. It takes a long time for me to trust and ready to be friend like I used to. Then I become like this, gloomy person who rarely smile, rarely talk, and always awkward in the crowd of people. Some people called me arrogant, but whatever… I don’t care about that label. I’ve got more labels which worse than that. I prefer to being alone than join an organization or group. Seems I’ve built a separation wall to new people.

However, I could’t lie to myself that there’s part of me that like to socializing or want to be a part of a community. So yes, I being myself in the cyber world. That’s the reason I made this blog as the sanctuary, the safe place that I can being myself and do everything that I want. I’d like to share, I’d like to chit-chat, I’d like to make friends, I’d like to get experience, I’d like to get inspire, I’d like to be sincere. This blog is me, the real me. And the one who live in the real world is another person who pretend to be me. Aaaarrrggghhh, why I find my personality so scary !!!. I hope I can release the real me in the real world. I want to try to be brave, be friendly, be confidence like I used to. Because is tiring to always to pretend. But the problem is I don’t know how to start being myself, seems I had screwed up my own personality *crycrycry.

My parents, my brother, my close friends and my husband are the people who knows me so well. Only in front of them I can reveal my self without afraid to be hated, to be blamed. I feel blessed to have them.

How about you, do you have an Alter Ego ?

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20 thoughts on “[EF#6] There’s another person in me

  1. Andik Taufiq February 13, 2015 at 7:03 pm Reply

    Wa’alaikumussalaam wr wb

    sabar.. sabar… 🙂

    I found this phenomenon several years ago. I believe we could describe a similar story about living in cyberspace. From my point of view, we need to break down the facts that the cyberspace itself is not something real. At least, not real enough to represents all of our personalities. But partially, it is just some stuff like any digital items created by someone who is real. Tadi saya itu mau ngetik apa ya, jadi lupa… hewhew… maafkan

    • Eka Novita May 22, 2015 at 12:56 pm Reply

      Mas Andik, i’m sorry for being super late to reply your comment. How could i miss it ? *mata sudah siwer. Yes, i agree that i need to break down from all the fear that seems comes from myself.

  2. Andina February 13, 2015 at 7:51 pm Reply

    Life can mess you up like that. I sincerely hope that you can be yourself fully in time. I used to be so private, but now I don’t give too much focus on others, as long as I myself (& family) know that I am a good person.

    Nice to know you 🙂

    • Eka Novita February 16, 2015 at 6:09 am Reply

      I wish mbak, i also think like you too mbak. As long my family and the closest person think i’m good person it’s enough for me 🙂

  3. Ira Marby February 13, 2015 at 7:56 pm Reply

    Ekaaaa *hug
    Aku baca ini malah jd pgn ketemuan sma kamu 🙂

    • Eka Novita February 16, 2015 at 6:10 am Reply

      Waaaah masa sih mbak, peluuukk 😀

  4. Ryan February 14, 2015 at 12:55 pm Reply

    I think most of us like you. Just put every thing out in our blog. But then behave ourselves in real world. Then I realizing something. Why do I have to be someone that I am not comfortable with? Lately I am trying to be just me in real world.

    • Eka Novita February 16, 2015 at 6:14 am Reply

      I agree with you Mas Ryan, but now i’m confusing what kind of personality that i must out in the real life :(. Now i’m so comfortable being shy-awkward person in the real life but cheerful on the blog.

      • Ryan February 16, 2015 at 1:41 pm

        Me too. If I met someone in real life, I would be in silence for several minutes. Sometime could be hours.

  5. ichasyahfa February 14, 2015 at 2:40 pm Reply

    I’m at times being called arrogant too, Mba. But I couldn’t care less. Don’t let what others think of you bring you down. Smangat, Mba Eka! \m/

    • Eka Novita February 16, 2015 at 6:15 am Reply

      Yes, i just let everything in flows. Too much thinking about other opinion just make our-self hurt. Semangat !

  6. jampang February 14, 2015 at 9:03 pm Reply

    bingung jawabbya…. punya apa nggak yah? 😀

    • Eka Novita February 16, 2015 at 6:16 am Reply

      Hayoooo punya gak bang, abang kan superhero dr tanah betawi 😀

      • jampang February 16, 2015 at 7:44 am

        sudah dijawab di postingan BEC 😀

  7. Dwi Kresnoadii February 17, 2015 at 6:39 am Reply

    Hahahah samaa. Gue juga punya alter ego, terus kalo udah mikir… mikir… mikir terus sampe dalem, eh malah pusing sendiri. Gue ini yang mana ya?

  8. anitabi chan April 13, 2015 at 10:27 pm Reply

    Finallyyyy u realized that u’re so scary 😣😣 lol
    But i think we have kind of similar characters so that we are in our beautiful friendship 😘
    I have my weird and super odd sides of me and u ain’t normal as well so we found our own crazy world chinguyaaaa 😚😚😚

    • Eka Novita April 16, 2015 at 3:40 am Reply

      Ahhhh, missed your blog post so much lah. What on earth you never post anything ?… Yes, i thought the same with you. We’re not normal that’s why it make us ‘one’. ciyeeeeeh XD.

      • anitabi chan April 16, 2015 at 6:54 pm

        I know right lol Actually i’ve been writing some new postings but they barely come to end bcs of my laziness and unstable mood hiks
        U know what? I’m so longing for our messy yet cozy(?) lives in that most memorable boarding house now 😆😆😆 hahahahaah every moment was treasure indeed

      • Eka Novita April 17, 2015 at 5:21 am

        i thought our messy live style was the most coziest live ever ever i had kekkekekke. By the way I’ll wait your new blog post girl 😀

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