Wheeeww… I think the theme of English Friday this week is challenging and quite scary for me. I wish after you all read this post you’re not think me as psycho or something *grin. As i quoted from Wikipedia, an Alter ego is a second self, which is believed to be distinct from a person’s normal or original personality. But to make it simple, I assume that an alter ego is like a person who have multiple personality. Did i have an alter ego ?. I don’t know if what I was going through included in the an alter ego category. But let me share the story.
I’m not a person which like i was before. I still remember i used to be cheerful kid who hyperactive and talk-active. My parents always angry and begged me to stay calm and graceful like a girl normally. I always been the first who take the initiative to make friends. I’ve had many friends. I was a brave, blunt and loudly girl. Some people told me that i am tomboy, but i think it’s not like that. I love to sew, knit, cross-stitch and play doll. How could they thought me as a tomboy. That’s me until i step Junior High School.
The old of me suddenly disappear when i was in the Senior High School. I think it the worst moment in my life. I met bunch of people who really hate me, i don’t know why they hate my personality so much. I swear their personality more bad than me. They like to tease and pressure me. They didn’t bad things like a physical abuse but what they said and how they treat me, make me traumatized. But in the front of people i pretend to be strong, i don’t want to depend to anyone. But because of it, i can’t express myself. My cheerful side was gone. I turn to be a socially awkward person. I didn’t have confidence and always think everything that i did would make everyone hates me. It’s really hard for me to make a friend with new people. I just can’t trust anyone beside my close friends whom always stick with me. It takes a long time for me to trust and ready to be friend like i used to. Then i become like this, gloomy person who rarely smile, rarely talk, and always awkward in the crowd of people. Some people called me arrogant, but whatever… i don’t care about that label. I’ve got more labels which worse than it. I prefer to being alone than join an organization or group. Seems i’ve built a separation wall to new people.
However, i can’t lie to myself that I like to socializing or want to be a part of a community. So yes, i being myself in the cyber world. That’s the reason i made this blog as the sanctuary, the safe place that i can being myself and do everything that i want. I like to share, i like to chit-chat, i like to make friends, i like to get experience, i like to get inspire, i like to be sincere. This blog is me, the real me. And the one who live in the real world is another person who pretend to be me. Aaaarrrggghhh, why i find my personality so scary !!!. I wish i can release the real me in the real world. I want to try to be brave, be friendly, be confidence like i used to. Because is tiring to always to pretend. But the problem is i don’t know how to start being myself, seems I had screwed up my own personality *cry.
My parents, my brother, my close friends and my husband are the people who knows me so well. Only in front of them i can reveal my self without afraid to be hated, to be blamed. I feel blessed to have them.
How about you, do you have an Alter Ego ?