Wheeeww… I think English Friday’s theme for this week is quite challenging and scary for me. I wish after you all read this post, you’re not think me as psycho or something *grin. As i quoted from Wikipedia, an Alter ego is a second self, which is believed to be distinct from a person’s normal or original personality. But to make it simple, I assume that an alter ego is like a person who have multiple personality. Did i have an alter ego ?. I don’t know if what I was going through included in the an alter ego category. But let me share the story.
I’m not a person which like i was before. I still remember i used to be cheerful kid who hyperactive and talk-active. My parents always angry and begged me to stay calm and graceful like a girl normally. I always been the first who take the initiative to make friends. I’ve had many friends. I was a brave, blunt and loudly girl. Some people told me that i am tomboy, but i think it’s not like that. I love to sew, knit, cross-stitch and play doll. How could they thought me as a tomboy. That’s me until i step Junior High School.
The old of me suddenly disappear when I was in the Senior High School. I think it the worst moment in my life. I met bunch of people who really hate me, I didn’t know why they hate my personality so much. I swore their personality more bad than me. They like to teased and pressured me. They didn’t bad things like a physical abuse but what they have said and how they treat me, make me traumatized. But in the front of people I pretend to be strong, I don’t want to depend to anyone. But because of it, I can’t express myself. My cheerful side was gone. I turn to be a socially awkward person. I didn’t have confidence and always think everything that i did would make everyone hates me. Since I didn’t want to acted like to please everyone, I’d rather withdraw from society than being two faced.It’s really hard for me to make a friend with new people. I just can’t trust anyone beside my close friends whom always stick with me. It takes a long time for me to trust and ready to be friend like I used to. Then I become like this, gloomy person who rarely smile, rarely talk, and always awkward in the crowd of people. Some people called me arrogant, but whatever… I don’t care about that label. I’ve got more labels which worse than that. I prefer to being alone than join an organization or group. Seems I’ve built a separation wall to new people.
However, I could’t lie to myself that there’s part of me that like to socializing or want to be a part of a community. So yes, I being myself in the cyber world. That’s the reason I made this blog as the sanctuary, the safe place that I can being myself and do everything that I want. I’d like to share, I’d like to chit-chat, I’d like to make friends, I’d like to get experience, I’d like to get inspire, I’d like to be sincere. This blog is me, the real me. And the one who live in the real world is another person who pretend to be me. Aaaarrrggghhh, why I find my personality so scary !!!. I hope I can release the real me in the real world. I want to try to be brave, be friendly, be confidence like I used to. Because is tiring to always to pretend. But the problem is I don’t know how to start being myself, seems I had screwed up my own personality *crycrycry.
My parents, my brother, my close friends and my husband are the people who knows me so well. Only in front of them I can reveal my self without afraid to be hated, to be blamed. I feel blessed to have them.
How about you, do you have an Alter Ego ?