Miserable

Rainy days, I begin to remember the sad things. I think it is time to re-arrange my life. Although it’s so slow, wobbly, but I should throw away this disappointed. Like a worn book that full of bitter memories. Just throw away or burn it. Let’s make all the painful memory disappear. Then, buy the new book one, try to write another new story. This time, I must be careful, don’t write grief or sad things on that book anymore.

I must try to forgive with sincerety, and introspection about myself. I must swallow this anger, it’s enough to miserable and cry.  There is no point hating and vengeful, it’s only increase the hurts, and sprinkle the scent of hostility, just bring negative aura. Life shouldn’t stopped because of bitter experience. Although forgiving doesn’t mean I can forget about it. Maybe one day it will be precious lesson in my life.

I promise, when I become a parent, I’ll raise my children with a love. I’ll raise them with care and understanding, not by pressure, commands, or threats. I want to be a parent who became a role model, not hated. I want to be a parent who will take respect instead not to fear. I want to be a parent who missed, not shunned. I want to spend time with my kids, not abandoned.

Although the proverb says a fruit falls not far from the tree. But i don’t believe that proverb. I wouldn’t be fruit who copy bad habits from the parent tree, although physical characteristics will never change. Forever. Consanguinity will not be interrupted. That strong ties will be brought up to the afterlife.

There are times we as children must be yield to parent. Better silence, give in and follow the rules that they’ve made. Parents not always true, but it’s useless to argue. Argue only hurt both sides, yourself and parent. Parents born in a life that so different from today, it seems reasonable authoritarian traits was carried down. The lesson I take, dont fight anger with harsh, only produces destruction, a painful wound.

Although difficult and bitter, I’m consider  Shari’a must be Shari’a, its absolute. There is any manners that should be upheld when dealing with parents, being Birrul walidain. Because blessing of Allah dependent on both parents. I hope every mistake that I did as a child was forgiven. Hopefully this heart soon recovered and sincerely accept what has been destined by God.

Please forgive my mistakes, I really really love you Abi though we sometimes don’t really understand each other.  Thank you Ummi for your care and kindness heart, you always connect love to our family.

I’m not do bad things anymore. Promise.

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